To Eternity and beyond....

Today I am celebrating 4 years of togetherness with my husband. It is a very strange feeling, something when I think about; I get butterflies in my stomach and the feeling as if time has stopped in its endless flight. The times we shared as friends and then as a married couple, the conversations, the big and the small moments are still so fresh in my memory as if everything just happened in one day- yesterday.

Today, a line from one of my favourite movies, (used very frequently by my husband to convince me for an early marriage) has become all the more relevant and significant and makes me realize how God has His own way of making you understand certain things only at a certain time. The line is from the movie – “When Harry Met Sally” and goes like this- “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” And I am glad I didn’t wait for a couple of more years to get married to this wonderful man and an amazing husband.

It’s not that these years have been a bed of roses and we didn’t have our rough patches to ride on; but just knowing that even in the direst circumstances, the other person will be around, was eventually the most (and still is) comforting factor.

We have differences. And not just trifle ones; major ones- issues on which we are poles apart and will never share a common opinion, issues which challenge our existence together, but (and a very important but) we both know that we can’t imagine our lives without the physical presence of each other. This keeps us together and binds us for the rest of our lives.

I always thought that I will love him till the time I take my last breath but I was wrong, I will love him to eternity and beyond…

Thought for the Mood
“Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.”
(And I need to remind this to myself everyday, especially when we have differences.)

“What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down -- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off.”
(I have actually never bothered about hiding any of my negative traits, I am what I really am, and this makes me really comfortable.)

Why is life so difficult to live?

Why is life so difficult to live? I have so much in my mind right now that I just do not know where do I begin and where do I end. People may look at your life and find it very beautiful and full of happiness but in reality only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. And here I am not just talking about myself but may be on behalf of many others caught in an unexplainable and intricate situation.

I have always believed that all of us have likes and dislikes and most of the times very strong desires and they are our very own only. Then how come is it that we have no control or rather people control what we should like or dislike. Why do people get judgmental about how we should be living and what is the right way or the wrong way. Everybody is here to talk about their personal experiences and ready to give all the advice on what we should be doing. My problem is that I don’t want to know what they experienced and whether I should be having the same set of experiences as they have had. I want to do something when I really believe in it and when I really want to do it and not because somebody else thinks this is how it should be done.

I am unique in my own way and I don’t want people to act as a critic on that. I am what I am and I love to live my life my way. But people dictate even the way you want to live. I have never understood lessons on “you live in a society and this is what you should be doing, this is what the society expects you to do and what will the society say if you do or don’t do such a thing.” What perplexes me is that I am doing what I should be doing to live in a society. I am not going around and killing people, or abusing them or breaking the law, basically nothing to cause any remotely possible harm. Then why the interference?

All I wish is to live in peace and let my choices decide what I want to do rather than what I should do because somebody else expects it. I want to take responsibility for my own decisions and never want to lose my identity and self of being. I am still hoping someday it will really be either my way or no way at all…. Touchwood!!

Thought for the mood
“Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.”
(And get messier…)

“I think somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.”
(I want to live with my decisions too or atleast begin with making them myself)

Fun @ Work

I am extremely bored today. The basic reason being that I spend 8 hours in office and there is no fun. Before I joined work (years back) I thought "it would be fun" but as years passed by I realised if you want to have fun then seek it outside the office.
I know working is not always fun and neither work is. But atleast coming to work should be fun. In my current workplace fun is only a word that exists in a dictionary. No team lunches, no going out for drinks or coffees...nothing...
I am very passionate about fun and it's one thing I never want missing from my life. So why not have fun in my own way... Atleast I have taken a step towards it by leaving on time and not just hanging around cause others are spending some of their precious time in the office without realsing what they are really missing.
And today I'll treat myself to a nice dinner of soup and salads :) :) :)

Thought for the mood
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
(My team does not even do that)

Discovering Myself, Maybe...

A lot of times when I sit and think about my life and situations that affect it or people who make a difference, I travel to a very different world of thinking. It's not really an introspection or any kind of evaluation, it's just looking around or just coming to a stand still and imagining what is it that I really want...

It's strange how I swing between wanting to be extremely professional on one side and beating everyone in the rat race and on the other side leaving everything wordly and disovering a new life for myself free from materalisim- a life where I choose to live the way I want to without any social influence...

But eventually I also know that life is all about the choices you make and I might as well balance things out rather than operate on extremes... More so not cross bridges before I reach them...

Life goes on with time in its endless flight... sometimes I will run, at times walk and at times just sit and enjoy...

Thought for the Mood
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."
(I tend to forget the 'combination of states' part no matter what mood I may be in; when I am extremely happy I forget I'll have to face tougher times & when I am very sad I forget that there will be a better tomorrow.)

It’s Just That…

It’s not that we don’t love each other anymore
It’s just that it’s not like what we had before
It’s not that we don’t want to spend time together
It’s just that we be alone rather
It’s not that on every issue we are at strife
It’s just that we are happy in our own lives
It’s not that differences leave an irreparable hole
It’s just that the major ones are taking its toll
It’s not that we are not ready to compromise
It’s just that we want different things out of life
It’s not that we don’t ever think alike
It’s just that our conversations are no longer dreamlike
It’s not that we don’t have our say
It’s just that we want things our way

By saying- It’s not this, it’s just that
We avoid thinking if it’s really as bad
But who knows how things will turn out
Till the time comes we’ll always be in doubt
And the only way is to in silence wait
Hoping to have better times before it’s too late!


Thought for the Mood
“Time! The corrector when our judgments err.”
(Not really sure though if times heals everything)

“Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst.”
(I have on many occasions ‘misused’ time…wish could turn it back)

How You’ve Touched Me

Sitting down to think what I should write about You
How you have been there as a friend so true
How have I comforted myself knowing you are a call away
How have I looked forward to meeting you each day
How I have been at ease sharing my deepest sorrows
How you have reassured me saying there are better tomorrows
How I have laughed so much with you that I cried
How nothing from you I ever had to hide
How I have expressed equally my love and hate
How I have not feared you judging me by just a trait
How you brought in so much happiness around me
How the lighter side of life you made me see
How beautiful you make me feel everytime we meet
How just your mere presence is such a wonderful treat
How silence feels so beautiful when you are with me
How from all troubles you make me feel free
How I can count on you for anything and everything
How to my most boring day you add a zing
How of my life you’ve become such an inseparable part
How a special place you hold in my heart
But now you are moving ahead towards your goal
Leaving sweet memories in my mind, heart and soul
And even though I’ll so much miss you with every moment that passes by
I know whenever I’ll look at sun setting in the sky
You would also be somewhere remembering the times we have spent
And that sure will be the biggest assurance Rhea, My Best Friend.

A Thought for the Mood
"Do not save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead. Do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead."
(I gave it in person)

I was a Free Bird

I was a free bird
Who travelled distances long
I was a free bird
With my own beautiful song

I was a free bird
Whom no one could bind
I was a free bird
To whom everyone seemed kind

I was a free bird
Happy with my carefree flight
I was a free bird
Always aspiring for a greater height

I was a free bird
All alone but strong
I was a free bird
But then something went wrong

My lips were sealed and my wings tied
Away was taken all my pride
What I felt didn’t matter anymore
That I fall everyone made sure

For being different I was blamed
In unending expectations I was framed
I was forced to deal in lies
And was asked not to act too wise

I was alone with everything gone
I was left with nothing to hold on
And the more I was made a part of this world
The more hatred from me got unfurled

And today I only dream of my past
Praying earnestly for my day last
Hoping someday I’ll be heard
With all my questions answered
And then my spirit will rise skyward
Setting me free again, as free as a bird.

A Thought for the Mood
"Freedom is the right to live as we wish."
(Only if it was as simple)

Jab We Meet(ing)

This meeting we had the other day.. What was it for?? My boss says, “I would request Mr. XYZ to address the meeting.” This Mr. XYZ blurts out, “What shall I speak about?” Oops wasn’t he supposed to know that? Anyway it’s a meeting, so expected. Another senior person comes up with the thought that Mr. XYZ, the expert, should talk about how the print media in Delhi should grow in these tumultuous times. Hmm... Ok, I’ll try paying a little attention. 

 Mr. XYZ begins with the world scenario (btw not related to print). I am still listening and so is everybody else. Then he starts talking about the print media scene in Bombay, how is it growing, will it grow further, the challenges and the list goes on… People are thinking if it was Bombay’s scenario he was to talk about. A supposedly 40 minute discussion (Mr. XYZ is a busy man, can’t afford to give any more time than this) is now a 1 hour & 30mins. one way communication. He loves to talk man! And now he is talking about his personal experiences, time he spent in research etc etc. 

Finally he decides to end! (After realizing that people are looking at their watches and some are actually tapping their watches to see if it stopped working) I am thinking, “What happened to Delhi Scenario?” But I don’t care anymore… I just want the meeting to end. After 15 minutes past 2 hours he says, “It was nice meeting everybody and was a good discussion (uhh?) and I would like to leave you all with the thought that how we should grow in these difficult times?”  

We ended right where we began! Did somebody take the minutes??

Thought for the Mood
“Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.” 
(And other than Mr. XYZ everyone had something to do)

“A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.”
(Yep, hours that seemed like eternity)